Those Days Are Gone
by spazzgirl
Summary: it wasn't fair that she was still alive and he was dead. Alternate version of "Whiskey Lullabies"


**Those Days Are Gone**

 **Here's something angsty again, lol maybe XD**

 **Summary:** _it wasn't fair that she was still alive and he was dead_

 **Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of any characters used**

 _Call it_

 _I'm not calling it_

 _Damn it Banner, just fucking call it!_

 _HE'S DEAD! ARE YOU HAPPY CLINT?!_

Those were the words that Natasha Romanoff had heard as she heard Bruce call his death.

 _Steve was dead_

 _And wasn't coming back_

She could recall the look on their faces when she found out. Not wanting to wait anymore, she ended up hearing the last bits of their banter. She could remember seeing the flat lines of Steve's heart monitor. How Clint and Bruce had pity and pain in their eyes. They knew that they didn't want her to find out this way, not hearing their shouts, only through soft and pained words.

It was weeks after Steve's death and Natasha ended up secluding herself from everybody. Everyone tried to comfort her in the best way possible. She could recall how sorry Thor was for not being there during the whole Civil War fight between Tony and Steve. The demigod blamed himself for not protecting the man he considered a brother. She could recall how Wanda offered to help change her memories so she could lessen the pain, but Nat refused, she believed that this was her punishment.

 _For leaving Steve_

 _For leaving his side_

 _For breaking his heart_

The master spy shouted at the walls of log cabin and how she would throw bottles of vodka at them. She damned the world for taking the only thing that was good.

" _What would it take just to go back in time and prevent all of this?"_

The last thing she remembered before leaving the tower was Tony's blueprints of building a time machine in order to prevent Steve's death. But Pepper had to step in and tell him that Steve would end up dying somehow. While it was the harsh truth, it was still true, even paradoxes would find a way to take away Captain America.

Nat hated it, hated the fact that Steve was dead and never coming back. She hated herself for hurting him. The red head had no idea what to do anymore, it was as if she was an empty shell, like a robot that the Red Room forced her to be. She has nothing more than a hollow shell, her heart broken and shattered to pieces.

Her fingers brushing against the set of dog tags that Steve had secretly sent to her. His original tags that he received when he first join the army in the 40s. She clutched the brown leather jacket around her shoulders, it was the same jacket she had seen him wear the first time they met. It smelled like him which brought comfort to her, as if he was still there and wrapping his arms around her, keeping her safe and warm.

"Please, I just want my _rodstvennaya dusha_ back, please God."

The master assassin never believed in faith but she always saw Steve finding comfort in prayer, and ended up picking some of his faith in God. Despite it being too late for prayer, she just wanted to cling onto _something_ , even a slither of hope if she had to.

A chocked sob escaped her throat as she fell to her knees. She knew it that he would never come back, no matter how many times she denied it. It was just too much to handle, that's why she left and headed towards her secret cabin near the mountains of Nebraska. Hoping to find peace in solitude, but all it did was remind of her of the emptiness of her heart. Nat would have done anything just to bring him back.

" _Even in exchange for my own life, just please bring back what once was mine."_

She would have done anything to see that boyish grin of his. To feel his presence near her again. For Natasha, it wasn't fair that she was still alive, while the man with a good heart was head. Life was cruel like that, and loved to make bad people suffer.

It took a while to notice a white envelope on the floor. Carefully, she reached for it and opened it, her eyes scanning the note in it.

 _Come by the lake_

Was all it said, quickly changing into winter gear (as it was snowing and cold) Nat grabbed her glocks and hid them just in case something happened. She ran towards the lake, but carefully, not knowing if it was a trap or not. While running, she scanned the area for anything unusual, but was met with the color of white. Once she reached the lake, which was now frozen, she looked around and nothing.

"I always heard that the mountains of Nebraska was the place to go to during the winter."

Quickly turning around and grabbing on her glocks, she pointed it at the intruder but then let out a surprised gasp. Standing in front of her was none other than Captain America.

 _Steve Rogers_

With that boyish grin of his, blue eyes sparkling in delight, and his handsome face now sporting a beard.

"Maybe I should have brought my shield with me if I was planning on getting shot."

" _Rodstvennaya dusha_!" Nat quickly put away her gun and ran towards the super soldier.

As she jumped on him, the two ended up falling onto the snow, with Steve on his back. The red head let out small laugh.

"Is it really you Steve?"

"Yeah," the two looked into each other's eyes, with nothing more than pure joy and happiness.

Tears were forming in Nat's eyes, "I can't believe it," she softly sobbed, "I saw you get shot, I saw you died, I saw your heart flat line."

"I know, I was dead, but somehow I came back alive."

"How?"

Steve smiled, "Well at first I saw this big bright light and saw Peggy, and you know what she said to me?"

"What?"

"She said 'Steve Grant Rogers, you better get your lazy ass up, because you aren't allowed to die and not live your life,' it wasn't until I dug myself up from my grave that I startled the grave keeper. Fury found out by one of the agents keeping a close eye on my grave."

She was happy that he was alive but didn't understand why it took him so long to come back to them. "Why didn't you just come see us?"

"They had to take some tests, to make sure I was alright and it took a bit longer than expected." Steve gently cupped her face with his right hand. "I'm sorry for not getting back to you sooner." He grinned at her, "You know I kept giving Fury hell because I wanted to see you as soon as possible."

"You mean I'm the first one you wanted to visit?"

"Well yeah, I mean, I couldn't leave my best girl, my _ange_ , not when she owes me a dance as well as Disney movie marathon."

" _Ya lyublyu tebya_ ," she whispered softly.

Steve smiled back at her, " _Je t'aime aussi_ ," and the two sealed their declaration of love with a kiss. "

 **END**

 **Ya'll can thank an anon on Tumblr for having me write an angst fic with a happy ending. So this my gift for writing two angst fics in a row LOL. I tried so hard to steer away from writing a complete angst fic, but hey whatever.**

 **Anyways, think of this an alternate version of my other one-shot "Whiskey Lullabies."**

 **Translations:**

 **Russain:**

 _Rodstvennaya dusha_ = soulmate

 _Ya lyublyu tebya_ = I love you

 **French:**

 _Ange_ = angel (duh LOL)

 _Je t'aime aussi_ = I love you too

 **Also excuse the complete bs of me having Steve come back, but I feel like it's something Peggy would say XD. Always, I put in a Disney movie reference in there, can you figure out where it from is and what line?**

 **Also the whole Disney movie marathon thing is something I took from Chris saying about how much he loves Disneyworld and yeah XD.**


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